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A... aunts
"I didn't know you had so many Aunts" says the bride to her husband
next morning. "I thought they were yours." he replies.
B... best man
A good and trusted friend, invariably blessed with formidable organisational
skills, meticulous attention to detail, tact, sobriety and faultless
manners. However the groom doesn't know anyone like that. So
he asks Dave.
C... cake
Traditional or croquembouche? Two tiers or three? Fruit or sponge?
Gold hearts or cherubs? And perhaps white icing with just a hint
of gold? Meanwhile the groom bides his time before telling them
he actually fancies one of those little plastic bride and bloke
things perched on top.
 D... dancing
Generally difficult to avoid at even the most sedate of weddings.
However only someone who has witnessed the spectacle of their
High Court Judge father waving his arms around and gyrating in
time with the Birdie Song can know the true meaning of shame.
E... eloping
There isn't a bride or groom born who hasn't at some stage seriously
considered the ladder-up-against-the bedroom -window option.
It's quick, it's cheap and if the top rung wasn't missing they'd
almost certainly give it a go.
F... flowers
And to think that only a few short months ago the groom's idea
of flowers was a magnificent four quid bunch when he was filling
up at Esso. Now he's supposed to have opinions on buttonholes
and bouquets, corsages and carnations. No wonder he thinks that
it also stands for fiasco.
G... guest list
Some couples mistakenly believe that lifelong friends will feature
on this. A tragic and laughably naive fallacy. For guests read "people
they have never met before and fervently hope never to meet again".
Members of bridge and golf clubs generally feature strongly.
H... honeymoon
Whether it's Timbuktu or Tenerife the honeymoon, it seems, can't
be mentioned without much nudging and winking. This despite the
fact they've been cohabiting for five years, their youngest is
seething because he's wearing a sailor suit and the happy couple
both fervently hope the hotel won't forget the twin beds.
I... in- laws
"She's looking more like her mother every day" coos his fiancee's grandmother
fondly. He and his soon to be father-in-law exchange shifty, despairing glances.
J... jemmy
What the bride's father will need if she and her mother carry on
spending at this rate.
K... kilts
The bride's father would no sooner don a skirt than fly until suddenly
he remembers that his great, great grandmother was a Mac something
or other. So chapped knees and the family tartan it is. And this
from a man who's never been north of High Wycombe.
L... location
That rather grand medieval barn perhaps (well the loos are certainly
medieval)? The local village hall? But really nothing can compare
with a marquee set amid the rolling lawns of 3, Railway Cuttings.
M... menu
A silver service five course wedding breakfast? Or perhaps
a magnificent cold buffet? A hog roast? barbeque? Something ethnic?
Or vegetarian? Suddenly nothing appeals more than a nice cheese
sandwich.
N... nuptials
It used to be a straight choice - batty vicar/father/rabbi or marginally
battier registrar. Now it's underwater or mid air or back to
nature in Farmer Jenks piggery. His mother thinks the world's
gone mad.
 O... organisation
Some say that organising a wedding is a bit like running a small
country, Luxembourg, perhaps. Actually that's not true. It's
harder.
P... photographs
Guests throwing confetti; groom dancing with mother; groom's parents;
best man and ushers. It's called a shot list and the bride's
father knows why. He'd gladly shoot the lot of them.
Q...
questions
So many questions to ask, so many people and, it seems, so many
different answers. In the end though we are left with just one.
Whose bright idea was it to get married ?
R... rings
Traditionally safeguarded by the best man until the moment of exchange.
Also traditionally lost by the best man at the moment of exchange.
Most couples still wear the hastily substituted curtain rings.
S... speeches
Horatio said brevity is the soul of wit. Obviously he had never
been to a wedding in Godalming.
T... toasters
Hang on to them. Other people get married too you know.
U... uncles
Usually turn up with Aunts though more innocuous on the clothes
front. Come into their own after the third glass of port. As
anyone within earshot of Uncle Eric's unique rendition of Knock
Three Times (twice on the pipes) will readily testify.
V... videos
Lights, camera, action.....cue the happy couple. Pinewood Studios?
Broadcasting House? No a Registrar office in Hendon.
W... wedding breakfast
There's no bacon and eggs and by the time you finally sit down
it's getting dark but then again perhaps Cousin Beryl really is
wearing her pyjamas.
X... xtras
Inspired accessories, favours, gifts, sweets and decorations for
your reception. Or that extra final straw to give the bank manager
heart failure ?
Y... yesterday
When the caterers needed to know the final numbers.
Z... zen
A school of thought promoting inner serenity through meditation.
Try telling that to the bride's mother when her car doesn't turn
up.
To make an enquiry or booking,
please contact Moodies on:
Email : info@moodies.co.uk
Tel UK: 01428 644310 or 01428
652244
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